


The Hanging Tree

by Winmance



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU : normal life, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, As happy as it can be at least, Dean Lies, Fluff, Growing Up Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester and Mary Winchester are Divorced, Lies, M/M, Plot Twists, ghost fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-03-30 21:07:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13960029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winmance/pseuds/Winmance
Summary: The first time Dean saw Sam, he was standing next to the big tree in his garden, looking lost and scared, his too long hair falling in his face and his little hands clenched around a yellow car.The tree became their meeting place, growing a little more everyday with the same amont of love that their friendship.





	1. Chapter 1

The first time Dean saw Sam, he was standing next to the big tree in his garden, looking lost and scared. His hair was too long, falling in his face and his little hands were clenched around a yellow car.

“Hey, are you lost?” Dean asked, bending down to be at his eye level.

“I… I don’t know.”

“Where are your parents?”

“Miss Felicia told me that I could come play here, but then I turned around and she wasn’t there.”

Dean straightened, searching for the woman with his eyes. Their garden used to be connected with the Lewis house, but they left long ago, and the house was left empty. Until now, apparently.

“Are you cold?” The little boy was shaking from head to toe. The light piece of fabric on his back serving as a coat was doing nothing to stop the wind. Dean took his own coat off and put it across the other boy’s shoulders. “Ok, what about I stay with you until your mom comes back?”

“She’s not my mom.”

“Who is she then?” Dean sat on the ground, inviting the boy to do the same.

“She’s…I…I don’t know. She takes care of me, but she’s not my mom.”

“Where’s your mom?”

“I never had one” the little boy said, lifting his shoulders.

“Everyone has a mom” Dean said, taking a bite of his cookie. “Maybe she doesn’t raise you, but you were in her belly once.”

“Her belly? Why would I be in her belly?” He asked with wide eyes.

“Because that’s where you grow up.”

“But why?” The small boy's eyes never wavered.

Dean thought about it for a moment. He wasn’t really sure why babies were in a woman’s belly. It didn't make any sense, even to him. He remembers seeing that his mom pregnant, and she told him that it was because she had a baby in it. But how was it possible?

“I don’t know” Dean admitted. “I’ll ask my mom if you want.”

“Yes, please.” 

The little boy brought his body closer to Dean until he was sitting just below his arm. Maybe Dean should go get his mom.  She would definitely know what to do.

“I’ll go get my mom.”

“No! Don’t leave me alone please! I'm always alone!" He started crying, gripping Dean’s arms as if it's his only lifeline. 

“Alright, alright.” He sighed, anger starting to grow in him. It’s not that he doesn’t like being with him.  It’s just that he doesn’t know what to do and he doesn’t want to get in trouble for not telling his mom. “What’s your name?”

“S-Sam” Sam sniffed, wiping his eyes. “Well, I think it’s Samuel, but Miss Felicia only calls me that when I do something bad.”

“Yeah? My mom does that too. She calls me by my first and last name when I do something stupid. I’m Dean, by the way.”

“Last time, I hid for three hours, without telling Miss Felicia. She kept searching for me, but I didn’t make any sounds. She was so mad when she found me." Sam said, eyes shining with amusement.

“Three hours? Where did you hide?”

Sam frowned, bit his bottom lip and thought really hard about it. “I don’t remember… It was dark, I remember that. But that’s all.”

“Well, that must have been a really great hideout.”

“Yes, it was!!” Sam exclaimed proudly. “Maybe we could hide together one day?" Hope blossoming on his small face.

“Yeah, that would be fun.”

Dean didn’t think that Sam would be able to come back. They used to invite a lot of people in their house, having big and elaborate dinners every Sunday with his family, as well as his parent’s friends coming on Saturdays.  It was exceptional when they passed a week without any of their friends dropping by.

Last year, they didn’t even celebrate Dean’s birthday.

His mom will probably ask Miss Felicia not to let Sam in the garden, or maybe Dean will be the one to have to stay home.

Dean couldn't help but feel disappointed. Sam seemed like a funny guy, and it would have been awesome to have a friend right next to his house.

“You know, I really should go get my mom” Dean admitted, even if he would rather spend the afternoon with Sam.

“You promise to come back?” Sam asked, his big multicolored eyes looking right into Dean’s soulful bright green ones.

“Yes, of course.”

“You gotta say it, or it doesn’t count.”

Dean rolled his eyes, but he felt a small smile creeping its way to his lips. Dean extended his little finger, watching Sam reward him with his own smile. “Alright, I promise to come back.”

Sam wrapped his little finger in Dean's, both boys feeling a little better than they had in quite some time.

Dean ran to his house, turning from time to time to look back at Sam, reassuring him that he was still there. He spent so much time looking in Sam’s direction that he didn’t see his mom coming and all but ran into her, making him fall directly on his ass.

“Dean!” She yelled, putting him on his feet again. “Can’t you be careful a little?”

“Sorry, mom” He said, wiping the grass from his hands. “I wasn’t looking”

“Yes, I could tell.” She sighed, annoyance in her voice and rubbing her face. “You’ve got to be more careful, alright? You could have hurt yourself, or, me."

“Yes, mom.”

He dropped his eyes to the ground, shame rushing from him. He should have been more careful, but he had to make sure that Sam was still waiting for him.

“Mom! There’s a boy in our garden!” He said, taking her hands to make her move. “I think he’s from the house next to ours, but he doesn’t have a mom and- “

He stopped, unable to see Sam next to the tree. He told him to wait here and Sam promised to do that! Where had he gone?

He ran again, ignoring his mother calling his name, and started looking everywhere. He couldn’t have gone very far away because Dean stopped looking at him for less than a minute.

“Dean, can you stop? There’s no one here.”

“But he was here mom! He lives next to our house with a woman, Miss Felicia”

“No, there’s no one next to our house.”

Dean turned to reply but chose to keep his mouth shut instead. His mom looked exhausted, even more than usual. She had dark circles around her eyes, her pale skin even more noticeable under the natural light. She looked skinny, more so than she used to be. Dean knew it was fruitless. He missed the way his mom used to be so much sometimes.

“Let’s get in the house, alright? You need to do your homework.”

“Yes, mom, I'm sorry." Dean replied, his voice wavering as he spoke the apology.

He looked one last time to the tree, hoping to see Sam reappear, only, his spot was still empty.

Did he dream of all of this? He remembered his mom doing that for a while, seeing things that weren’t there. Maybe that’s what Sam was? They said that when you really want something, your brain makes you see it. Was he going crazy?

“What did you do with your coat? You’re gonna get sick again.”

“I…I lost it.” Dean replied, knowing what she would say next. 

Dean listened while his mother started talking  about how careful he needs to be, that he needs to care about his things. He didn’t continue to listen to her. He had given his coat to Sam, he was sure of it. Dean, thought to himself,  _you can't give something to a person who isn't real, right? Right?_

 

 

The next day, he found Sam waiting for him next to the tree, his coat sitting across his shoulders.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Sam: 7 Dean: 11

 

Sam looked at his watch, waiting patiently for 4pm to come.

The time read a quarter to four. Fifteen minutes before the little hand goes on the four and the big one on the twelve. Dean taught him this when he was five so Sam could understand how to know when Dean was coming back, when they’ll finally be together.

 

 ﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽﷽

 

Sam had decided that time is a weird thing. How can something be the future, if nothing had happened yet? He’s been waiting for Dean next to the tree for ten minutes now. Is it the past or present? He didn’t move, fear of missing his new friend kept him still. As the time continues to pass, the seconds keeps moving, day to night, progression without care of what is happening or not.

Sam doesn’t like time. Feels like it's laughing at him.

Sam checks the time again, the big hand on the 11 and the little hand on the four. 3:55pm. He can almost hear the sounds of Mary’s car. She’ll park the car, give Dean his cookies and orange juice, and then leave the back door open so Dean can go in the garden.

Dean’s mom doesn't go out very much. She’s always inside, where Sam couldn't see her, only leaving to drop Dean at school along with taking him home. She doesn’t seem to have a job, or at least, that’s what Sam thinks. Maybe she’s working from home because he saw a man coming by a lot lately, and he passed the whole day in her office, Sam could see him from the windows.

“Hello Mr. Sam." Edward said, turning the mower on. “Still waiting for Dean?”

“Yes, he’ll be here very soon” He replied with a dimpled smile.

“Four pm as always, am I right?”

Sam nodded firmly and enthusiastically, which made Edward chuckle.

Edward is Dean’s gardener and, as far as Sam is concerned, one of the gentlest people in the whole world. He told Dean once, but Dean told him that he couldn’t know that. It's because he doesn’t know every single person of the world. It really doesn’t matter, because he’s still the most gentle person in Sam’s world and that means a lot.

Sometimes, when Dean isn’t here, Edward will come and sit with Sam, telling him stories and jokes until he stops crying. Every single day, he comes at seven am and leaves at four, just when Dean comes home. This is probably why Dean’s garden is so beautiful, full of flowers and little animals. Edward taught him the name of every plant, even promised him that one day, he'll be allowed to plant a flower if he wants too.

“Sammy!” Dean acknowledged the smaller boy, throwing his bag next to Sam before collapsing on the floor. “How was your day?”

“Great, I tried to read the book you gave me, but it’s still a little hard. Miss Felicia said that I was a fast learner though.”

“Of course, you are! I’m telling you, you definitely read better than some of my classmates, and they’re already eleven!”

“That’s not true” Sam says, feeling his cheeks become warmer . He loves when Dean praises him like that, it never fails to make his stomach feel funny.

“Yes, it’s true. Like, Tom Harris? I swear, he doesn’t know to read his own name. His parents say that it’s because he’s… I don’t know” Dean frowns, biting into his cookie, “Oh, yeah, dyslexic.”

“I don’t know this word." Sam confessed, looking down. 

“Take out your notebook, it’ll be the word of the day." Dean made sure that Sam didn't feel bad about not knowing any of the words.

Sam did as he was told, waiting for Dean to speak again. Since the beginning of the year, they started doing this exercise. Every day, Dean comes up with a new word, and Sam has to learn it. Yesterday the word was “planet”, because the author of his new book kept saying it.

“So dyslexic....it’s…a sickness, I think. It’s like, all the letters are mixed together and it’s hard to read because of it. Well, that was the teacher told us anyway, so memorize that.”

With a lot of concentration, Sam wrote what Dean told him before showing it and waiting for his response.

“Perfect!”

Sam flashed him a smile before dropping his notebook next to him.

“So, Tom has that?”

“Nah, it’s not true. I think he just doesn’t work, because I heard him read a book earlier, and it wasn’t as horrific as when we are in class. I think he’s lying.”

“Maybe he doesn’t like when people hear him read? I don’t like when Anais comes and listens to me” He leans on Dean until his mouth is next to his ear. “I hate her!”

“Come on Sammy, don’t say that. She’s nice.”

“No, she’s not.”

Dean sighs, leaning against the tree “Well, she doesn’t come here a lot, does she?”

“No” Sam admits, “Only when your mom’s friend is coming, the one with long dark hair.”

“Melinda”

“Yeah, that one.”

“You want me to tell you next time she comes? So, you can like, hide or something?”

“Yes! That would be great!”

Dean laughed at his excitement before ruffling his hair.

“Alright, want me to read you a story?”

He doesn’t even let Dean finished his sentence before jumping on his lap, slipping his head under Dean's chin.

“It’s about wolves, but if you’re scared, you tell me, ok?”

“I'm not a baby." Sam defended himself.

“No, you’re seven, and seven is a big number.”

Sam smiles, satisfied, before moving on Dean’s lap until he’s in a better position.

It’s already five, which means that in one hour, he will be alone again, sadness creeping in. Dean will have to go take his bath and eat his dinner before finally going to sleep. Sam will have to wait until eight am to see him again, and it will only be for five minutes. Five minutes is better than nothing.

One moment, what was once in the future becomes the present, and every second that passes is less time away from Dean.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam: 9 Dean: 13

“You said you would teach me” Sam said, arms crossed against his chest.

“It’s not what I said. I said that maybe I would explain. Maybe doesn’t mean that I will.” 

“Stop playing with the words!” He yelled, turning around so he’s not facing Dean anymore. “You know what? I will ask Josh. Maybe you don’t want to tell me because you don’t know” 

“I know what puberty is!” Dean defends himself before sighing. “It’s just… It’s not really something I like to talk about much.” 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know Sam, because it’s about bodies and it’s just…you’re too young!” 

“No, I’m not!” 

“Yes, you are. Who told you about this anyway?” 

Sam doesn’t say anything, biting his bottom lip. He knows that Dean will be pissed if he told him the truth, but he can’t really lie either. 

“I took one of your books in your bag” he said, refusing to meet Dean’s eyes. 

“Sam! You can’t do that! If you want something, you have to ask me first.”

“I’m sorry. But can you tell me, please?” Sam knows that it’s unfair to use his puppy eyes, but he doesn’t really have another choice. 

Dean sighs, unable to resist him. 

“Alright. Well, you see, when you’re growing, there’s a moment where…your body grows up, too. And then you’re able to have babies and all.” 

“How do you know you’re old enough?” 

“It’s…there’s changing, in your body” Dean looks embarrassed, his cheeks reddening but Sam can’t understand why. 

“Like…?” 

“Your…your voice changes, and you start to have hairs on some part of your body. On your face, your…some private parts, too” 

“On your penis?” 

“Jesus, Sam!” Dean said, looking disgusted. “Don’t say that!”

“That’s the name Dean, Ellen told me” 

“Ellen? Who’s that?” 

“She’s my new friend” Sam smiled, peeling a clementine. 

“Tell me about her” Dean started eating the fruit Sam gave him, leaning against the tree. 

“Well, she’s…she’s nice. I think she’s 30, with short black hair, and her eyes are brown. She’s not…she’s not really funny, but she’s serious and smart. I think she’s some sort of teacher.” 

Dean is looking at him with a lot of interest and Sam can’t help but smile. No matter who’s looking at him, it’s never the same as when Dean is doing it. 

“Where does she live?” 

“In the house in front of yours. You never saw her?” 

“I think I did, yeah. She has like, a really big nose, right?” 

Sam laughs when Dean shows him how long her nose is, exaggerating it grotesquely. 

“Yes, but that’s not really nice.” 

“No, it’s not.” Dean pretends to be sorry, and it only make Sam laughed harder. “So, you met her three months ago and you’re only mentioning her now?” 

“How do you know it’s been three months?” 

Dean raised his shoulders, biting in his fruit again. “So, she talks about penises with you? That’s weird.” 

“Yeah, why is it weird?” 

“Because you…” Dean sighs again, like Sam is supposed to know everything. It’s annoying sometimes how Dean expects him to just know everything. “Remember when I told you that it wasn’t ok not to wear pants?” 

“I only did it once!” Sam defends himself, blushing at the memory. He had a weird spot on his butt, who was he supposed to ask to look at it? 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyway, talking about it, it’s the same as showing it.” 

“So, you never show it and never talk about it?”

“Well…you do. Like, with a doctor, or your lover.”

“Oh…but…with you? Can’t I talk about that with you?” 

“Why would you like to talk about your penis with me?” Dean said, laughing. 

“I don’t know…you’re my best friend. I want to be able to talk about everything with you.” 

Dean smiled, putting his hand on Sam’s knee. “You can talk to me about everything, I promise” 

“Except puberty?” 

Dean lick his lips before sighing. “Puberty too. It’s just…when you reach puberty you…there are things that happen to your…your penis. But it’s really embarrassing.” 

“Oh” Sam said, starting to put two and two together. “Is it…is it happening to you? Right now?” 

“Yeah…” Dean whispered, playing with the grass. “It’s…I don’t like it.” 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know, it’s gross.” 

“Yeah but you said it was natural, right?” 

Dean thought about it for a moment before nodding. 

“Well, then you shouldn’t be ashamed of it. If it’s natural, it’s not gross. Plus, it allows you to have baby. That’s a good thing.” 

“I guess.” 

Sam put his head on Dean’s shoulder, enjoying his warmth. “If I was a girl, would you have babies with me?” 

Dean laughs, pushing Sam away before ruffing his hair. 

“Nah, a baby with your hair? That’s a bad idea.” 

Sam tries to picture a baby with long hair and the idea made him laughs too. If that was the only problem, he would cut his hair without any hesitation. 

“Ellen was supposed to have a baby, you know?”

“She was?” 

“Yeah, but the baby died, I think. She said she had a miscarriage. You know what it is?” 

“It’s…it can be a lot of things. Sometimes, the baby is sick, and he can’t live. Or the mom can have a problem, too. My mom had one too, once.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, but I barely remember it now.” 

Dean put his head on Sam’s lap, closing his eyes and enjoying the warm feeling of the sun. 

“It must be horrible, losing your baby” Sam said, letting his fingers trace Dean’s freckles. 

“Some people kill themselves, when their baby dies. But I don’t think it’s the solution”

“Why not?” 

“I think…I think that if you do that, if you kill yourself, you can…you can get stuck, between two worlds.” 

Sam doesn’t answer, imagining what it would feel like to be trapped between two worlds. 

If you’re not dead, but you’re not alive either, what does that make you? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think of it ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Sam:11 Dean:15

Sam likes routine. 

He likes knowing when everything is gonna happened, how he’s supposed to react, what he is supposed to do. 

During the week, he starts getting ready at seven, the same hour as Dean, then he waits until eight for him to tell him goodbye. Then Miss Felicia arrives and works with him on his writing, reading, and arithmetic lessons. He loves it better when it is with Dean, but his caretaker is fine as well. At noon, Edward asks for his opinion on the garden, because it is the time of the day where the sun shines the exact right way. Sam tells him what he should do, even if Edward never listens to him. After that, it’s just a very long waiting game for Dean to come home. He likes his schedule. It’s clear and precise. Sometimes, there are little changes, but nothing too important. 

Sam’s whole day is focused on Dean. 

Two weekends each month, Dean passes the entire day outside with him, reading stories, playing together and pushing each other on the swingset. Then they lay out on the grass side by side and watch the clouds go by. Dean insists that you can see forms in them, but Sam doesn’t really see it. He still plays with Dean, though, and pretends to see something even if there’s nothing. Those weekends are his favorites. 

Two weekends each month, Dean is with his dad, John. John is…John isn’t sad like Mary is, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t sad at all. Mary cries when she’s sad, while John gets angry. Dean doesn’t critique his dad, always says nice things about him, how strong he is, how courageous. When he comes home, he’s smiling brighter than when he’s alone with Mary. But then there’s time where Dean come home crying too, refusing to explain Sam why. During those times, Sam let him lay in his arms until Dean would fall asleep. Sam doesn’t like John. 

Then there’s winter, or days with heavy rain, and Dean cannot come out because he doesn’t have the right too. 

Sam wishes he could go inside Dean’s house. 

He told Dean that once, but Dean said that if his mother ever saw him, she would be beyond pissed. So he can’t go in, and Dean can’t go out. 

It’s like there is in a mirror separating them and they are able to see each other through the window, but unable to touch. The two of them are in two different worlds that can’t reach each other. 

“What are you thinking about Sammy?” Dean asked, caressing his hair. 

“Nothing. Just…time.” 

“You’re always thinking about time” Dean laughed, tightening his embrace. 

They’re lying on the grass, Sam’s head laying on top of Dean’s heart, where he can feel it beat. It’s July and Dean is finally done with school, which means that they have all the time in the world with just the two of them. 

“And you? What are you thinking about?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Well, you’re always thinking about nothing.” 

Dean laughs again, and Sam can’t help but smile. If he had to hear one last thing before dying, it would be Dean’s laugh. He’s beautiful when he’s laughing, the green in his eyes becomes brighter and his whole face looks like a ray of sunshine. 

“What do you want me to say?” 

“I don’t know, that you think about me all the time or something like that.” 

“Of course, I think about you all the time. You’re always in the back of my mind.” 

Sam feels tickling in his stomach and he melts into Dean’s arms. It’s happening more and more lately. Every time Dean tells him something like that, or even when he does nothing more than touch him, Sam feels like there’s fireworks going off in his stomach. 

Miss Felicia said that it was love, while Josh said that it was lust. It earned him a slap from Miss Felicia, and she refused to explain what lust was. Maybe he should ask Dean. 

“What do you think? I mean, when you think of me?” 

“That your hair is way too long.” 

Sam lowers his head until he’s level with Dean’s face and throws his hair in it, which makes Dean jump and curse. 

He doesn’t have time to register anything before Dean is rolling on top of him, his fingers tickling his waist. Sam bursts into laughter, his legs coming on each side of Dean’s waist and trying to push him away, but falling miserably. Dean is laughing too, the bastard. 

“Sto-Stop! Plea-Please Dean, sto-op!” 

Dean finally stopped, letting his body fall on top of him. He can feel every part of his body, and he would be lying if he said he doesn’t like it. It feels good to be this close to Dean, to be able to feel every single one of his breaths. 

Dean’s fingers find their way into his hair and start to curl around his strands, his mouth resting against Sam’s cheek. 

“I think… I think about how lucky I am to have you” he whispered against Sam’s skin. “You’re…you’re so important to me, Sam. You have no idea.” 

Sam wants to say so many things. He wants to tell Dean that he knows, that he’s just as important to him, maybe even more. That all his days, all his life revolves around Dean, because nothing matters more than him, not now, not ever. 

Instead, he just put his arms around Dean and holds him close. 

“I wish we could always be together” he admits. 

“I wish that too, Sammy.” 

“Do you think that it will be possible? I mean, one day, maybe I could go inside the house and you’ll work from here so we’ll just…spend our days together?” 

Dean sighed and rolled over so he’s next to Sam. 

“We have time to think about that.” 

“See? It’s always about time. Past, present, future. I hate that. I hate time!” Sam yelled, sitting up. 

Why can’t he just freeze time? The sun would never stop shining, the birds never stop soaring through the air, the flowers would be eternally in bloom, and they would stay the same forever. Sam and Dean, the two of them against the world. 

“Hey, none of that” Dean says, shoving their shoulders together. “I’m 15, there’s still plenty of time before I have to find a job.” 

“What about college?” 

“College?” 

“Yeah, Josh said that you’ll be going to college in 3 years.” 

“I don’t like Josh” Dean sighs, putting his arm around Sam’s shoulders. “He’s a junkie who shouldn’t be around kids.” 

“I’m not a kid” Sam growled. 

“You’re 11. Of course you’re a kid, Sam.” 

“No, I’m not. And Josh knows that. He’s talking to me like an actual human being.” 

“Ok, fine. Then stay with Josh all day, why don’t you? I’m coming out every day just for you, you know? And I’m sorry if I’m trying to protect you.” 

“Protect me from what, Dean?” 

“I don’t know!” He yelled, putting his head between his hands “I just…I don’t know, Sammy.” 

Dean’s voice is shaking, and Sam is convinced that he’s ready to cry. God, that’s not what he wanted, not at all. He just wanted Dean to see him like a teenager, not a kid. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…that’s not what I meant” Sam bit his lips, searching for the right words to say. “I just want you to treat me as your equal, not as a kid. Because I’m not a little kid anymore. I’m growing, even if I can see that you don’t want to mature. I…I need you to see me differently, Dean.”

“I’ll try” Dean finally says, taking Sam’s hand in his. “But Sam, you don’t need to grow up faster because of me. I’ll find a solution for college, hell, for everything. I will never, ever let you go, you know, that right?” 

Sam nods, feeling lighter than he’s felt for a long time. It’s a start. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,  
> I just wanted to thanks you all for the comments, I can't answer them because most of them are about the plot and well, I can't say anything, but I'm reading everything so thank you !  
> Hope you like this one too


	5. Chapter 5

Sam:12 and half Dean 16

“I can’t believe Sam looks so…grown up” Josh said, looking at Sam with an intrigued look. “I mean, am I the only one who finds it weird?” he asked, looking at the others for some support. 

“I can’t stay a kid forever” Sam smiled, brushing his hair one last time. Miss Felicia, Josh, Ellen and even Edward were looking at him, each one with a particular look. Miss Felicia was worried, while Ellen looked proud, Edward kept smiling like it’s the best day of his life and Josh was just… Josh. Always saying weird things that Sam doesn’t understand. Ellen said that he’s like that because of the hole in his head, but Sam isn’t sure that his (many) piercings have anything to do with his stupidity. When he asked Dean, he looked pissed and told him not to worry about it. 

“Do I look ok?” He asked, wiping his clothes down with the back of his hand. “Be honest, alright?” 

“You look amazing” Miss Felicia has tears in her eyes, but she does her best to hide them. “I still remember you when you were a baby, and look at you now, all grown up and ready to take your man’s heart.” 

Sam blushed at the mention of Dean, but can’t help smiling. 

One week ago, Dean told him that his mom will be out for the weekend and that he’ll have the house to himself. It has never happened before. Mary barely left the house, and if she does, Dean has to go out with her or with his dad. But not this time. 

Tonight, Sam will be able to go inside the house. 

He imagined it so many times. From the wallpapers, to the carpet, and even the celling. Dean helped by describing it a little, but it was only vague and not precise. Sam wanted details. All the details. 

But Dean didn’t invite him to see the house – even if it was already making Sam really happy. No, Dean actually invited him on a date. 

Since last year, their relationship took a new turn. It was slow at first and barely noticeable. They had always been close, hugging and touching was just part of their routine. It wasn’t sexual, like in some of the stories Josh told him, or some he read in Ellen’s library. It was friendlier, more brotherly. 

If he was being honest, they just both needed a lot of attention. Dean’s mom never hugged him, nor even kissed him on the cheek. She looked like a ghost most of the time, an empty body left here for no particular reason. He barely sees his dad now, not since John found a new job that caused him to move a lot. And Sam…well, no one ever hugged him except Dean. 

So, no, it wasn’t weird for them to hug. Every human being needs to be hugged sometimes. 

But now, Sam could feel the electricity every time they touched, could feel his stomach jumping with excitement. It was the way Dean was looking at him now, with something slightly different that Sam could clearly see, but not name. Whatever it was, he liked it. A lot. 

Sam looked at the watch Dean put on the tree so long ago now, waiting patiently for 8 pm to come. 

He can’t deny he’s stressed, but it’s not a bad kind of stress, like when Dean had an exam and that made him throw up right on Sam’s shoes. The stress he is feeling now is the good kind, because if everything goes as he expects it to tonight, Dean will kiss him. 

“Sammy?” Dean asked, walking forward the tree. “Are you there?” 

“Yes, I’m here” Sam bit on his bottom lip, putting his hair back in place before walking in front of Dean. He wonders if Dean can hear his heart beating from where he’s standing. “Hi.”

“Hey” Dean said, eyes shining as he looked at Sam. “You’re beautiful”

Sam blushed furiously and tried to hide his face under his bangs. “Shut up” 

It only made Dean laugh, and he waved for Sam to follow him. 

The closer they got to the house, the more stressed they both became. 

30 feet away. Sam had never been so close. 

25 feet away. He’s ready to give up, to change his mind and run back to the tree. 

20 feet away. Dean takes his hand. They’re both sweaty, but they don’t mention it. They’re walking on the terrace, and Sam clenched his hand, probably hurting Dean in the process. 

Dean let go of his hand to open the front door before walking inside first, then making a sign for Sam to follow him inside. 

Sam took a big breath, probably the biggest he’d ever taken, before finally stepping foot in the house. 

“So, um, I should give you a tour?” 

“Yeah” he laughed nervously, bouncing on his feet. 

Dean laughed too, scratching his head. 

“Ok, so we’re in the dinner room, it’s where we, well, we take dinner, obviously.” He showed the room with his hands before turning to the left. “And here the kitchen.” 

Sam took time to look at everything, but there’s not a lot to examine. There’s a wooden table with chairs, but the walls are white without pictures on it. He was expecting plenty of pictures of Dean, his mom and, maybe, his dad. But there are none here. The kitchen is exactly how Sam pictured it, in an old yellow color. The fridge is fairly new, they choose it together a few months ago when the old one broke. It smells nice, too, like something is cooking in the oven. 

“I made pizza. I know that you don’t really eat, but – “ 

“I eat” Sam said. “I mean. I can eat.” 

“Great! You’re gonna love pizza. Plus, it’s better with the movies I chose.” 

Sam smiles widened and he was not able to hide his excitement. He loved watching movies more than anything. He wasn’t allowed to watch the tv not that long ago, but Dean put his own tv in the garage and now, he watches it every day without exception. 

“What movie?” 

“That’s a surprise” Dean winked, before taking Sam’s hand and guiding him forward the living room, passing through the doorway so fast that Sam didn’t have time to see anything. He was a little disappointed, but he would have time to see it later. 

“This is the living room, or the place where I spend most of my time. My mom is in her room, and it’s clearer here.” He collapsed on the sofa, leaving just enough space for Sam to slide beside him. 

He did it gladly, and took his time looking around. The red sofa was used, but pretty comfortable, more than Ellen’s weird chair. There’s a big television that takes up most of the wall – well, in Sam’s perspective, anyway. There’s a low table, full of magazines and notebooks that he recognized are from Dean, and then there’s pictures. Finally, pictures. Not as many as Sam would like, but still some pictures. 

There’s a really young Dean, probably two, in the bath, smiling wildly. Then another one where Dean has a grimace on his face next to his mom. There’s one family picture, in the corner of the room, barely visible with Dean, his mom, and his dad, standing all together and laughing. The last picture is one of Dean, standing alone with a trophy in his hands, but he’s not smiling, not like usual. Sam remembered that day, from four years ago, when Dean won his football game. He was so proud to show it to him! He spent the entire afternoon telling him in detail what happened, who did what and how he helped his team win. How can this picture have taken place in the same day? 

“You don’t have a lot of pictures” Sam said, looking around like he’s searching for more. “I thought there would be more pictures.”

“There used to be, a long time ago. But when my parents got divorced it just…my mom decided to take everything down. I put those pictures back in their place, but it was just…off, you know?” 

Dean was trying not to show it, but Sam knew that he was sad – could hear it in his voice. Josh said that when his parents got divorced, his mom went into a depression and nearly killed herself. Sam is pretty sure that this is why Dean’s mom was the way she was, always so sad and morose. 

“I’m sorry” he said, putting his hand on top of Dean’s. “It’s great. Those pics are great, I promise.” 

Dean gave him a little smile before getting up again, effectively washing away what happened. 

As close as they are, Dean never been one to share much about his life. Sure, he would tell Sam the good things, and when he was really sad or upset, he would come find Sam. But he never talks about important things. When he comes back from his dad crying, he lets Sam hug him but then, he just walks away like nothing happened. When Trevor from 6th grade and his friends were bullying him, yelling mean things at him, he refused to tell Sam what they were saying to him. Instead, he focused on destroying the fence. Dean shows his emotions, but he doesn’t talk about it. Ever. 

They went upstairs and Dean showed him his mom’s room quickly, but it wasn’t like there’s a lot of things to see. It’s…cold. Dead. Sam could swear he could feel the sadness inside the room, the guilt and the desperation, almost like he’s living it himself. 

They passed in front of another room, but Dean refused to show it. Sam concluded that it probably used to be his father’s office. He saw Dean’s mom standing in this room more than once from the garden. 

Then, there’s Dean room. The most interesting room of all as far as Sam is concerned. 

It’s the only place that looked lived in and vibrant. There were posters on the walls, from Led Zeppelin and other singers that Dean listens all the time, there’s dirty clothes in a corner and Sam can’t help but smile when Dean looked embarrassed about it. It’s exactly how he wished Dean’s room would be. 

On the wall, there were pictures of Dean and some of his friends, and even if he hates to admit it, Sam felt a wave of jealousy rushing through him. He wished he could go at school with Dean and that he could spend all his days with him, instead of the little hours they spend in the garden. He never got pictures with Dean, probably won’t. Miss Felicia said that it was dangerous because of his illness, and Dean confirmed it. But god, he just wishes he was there on the wall, next to Dean, too. 

“You ok?” Dean asked, kicking his shoes off. 

“Yeah, just…I wish we had pictures, together” He admitted, his throat feeling suddenly too tight. 

“Sammy…” 

“It’s ok, I know. Illness and all that. It’s just…pictures they… It freezes time, you know? You can capture the moment, capture the time, the smiles, the soul, everything. What if I die tomorrow? Or if you die? Then, there won’t be anything to remember us. To remember that we were here, alive and together.” 

When Sam finally turned around to look at Dean, there were tears in his eyes and he immediately felt guilty. But before he could apologize, Dean was moving to his desk, taking a handful of papers. 

He displays the papers on his bed before making a sign for Sam to join him. 

There are tons of drawings laid out. Hundreds and hundreds of drawings of them together, but also of Sam alone, smiling and laughing. It is frozen pieces of time and now, it is his turn to have tears in his eyes. 

“You can take some, if you want. I have, well, I have a lot of them” Dean said, looking a little embarrassed.

Sam nodded, not trusting his voice to answer, and chose a couple of specific drawings. The one where they are laying on the grass with his head on Dean’s chest, then another one of Dean putting a flower in his hair. Finally, his favorite one was of them just staring at each other, with nothing else around them but empty space, like nothing else really matters but being together. 

“And you can take a picture of me if you want. It’s not…I don’t have a lot, so your choices will be limited but…” Dean showed him three pictures of himself and Sam decided to take the one where he was smiling the most, where he looked the happiest. 

“Thank you” he whispered before melting into Dean’s arms. 

Dean took him in his arms gladly, kissing the top of his head and caressing his hair gently. 

“We don’t need to freeze time, Sammy. We’ll be together. Forever. Alive or dead, I promise” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think of it :)


	6. Chapter 6

“I was thinking about Star Trek” Dean said, proudly showing his DVD. 

“Oh, I love Star Trek!” Sam was bouncing on the couch like a child, but he didn’t care. They turned the lights off, closed the shutters, and Dean arranged covers and pillows everywhere. It’s cozy and knowing that Dean did all this for him made it even better. “But what about a scary movie?” 

“A scary movie?” He looked surprised. 

“Yeah, I’ve never watched one before.” This was only part of the reason. Josh told him that it was the best thing to watch during a date, because as soon as you get scared, you can jump into the other person’s arms. Ellen had rolled his eyes, telling Josh the idea was stupid, but it still seemed like a good idea to Sam. 

“I don’t know…” 

“Pretty please?” He’s trying to look as pathetic as possible, going full on puppy eyes, knowing that Dean can never resist it. 

Dean sighs, searching for another DVD. “Alright. What about Chainsaw Massacre?” 

“Did you see it already?” 

“Nope.” 

“Ok.” 

Dean started the DVD before joining Sam on the couch, sitting closer than before. 

“if it’s too scary, you tell me” he whispered as the movie started. 

Sam nodded, even if he knows that there’s no way he will tell Dean to stop it. He waited for the movie to really start before moving closer to Dean, until their shoulders are pressed together. His heart was beating so strong he’s afraid it would bust out of his chest. He couldn’t even concentrate on the movie, at least not when Dean is so close to him. It’s the first time they’re somewhere that isn’t the garden, and it changes everything. Here, in the dark, on Dean’s couch with his wonderful smell filling the air, it’s like nothing else exists but them. 

Dean put his arm around Sam’s shoulder, drawing him against his side. Sam felt his cheeks burning with joy and without thinking about it, he wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist, his head resting on his chest just above his heart. 

The movie was way scary than what Sam thought it would be. He kept closing his eyes, unable to watch the scene entirely, and he’s holding onto Dean for dear life. 

“Sam, can you not break my ribs please?” Dean laughed, making them both shake.

“Sorry.”

“You want to stop?”

“No! I just…it’s a great movie. Can we keep watching please?” Dean looked hesitant at first, but he nodded before turning his attention to the tv once again. 

This couldn’t go badly. Dean was finally seeing him as a teenager and not a baby, and he has to ruin everything by being scared and almost killing Dean with how tight he’s holding his waist. 

He sighs, trying his best to stay still when the guy all but cut the man’s arms off, blood splashing everywhere. Dean was laughing, making comments that make the scene even more gross. Was Dean a psychopath? This morning, Sam would have say no, but he’s not sure anymore. 

“You don’t like it?” Dean said, and Sam can hear disappointment in his voice.

“I do.” 

Dean paused the movie before pushing Sam gently away from his chest. Was it the moment Dean’s going to tell him that it’s better they keep their relationship as it was before? It wouldn’t be surprising. Sam was awful tonight, first making Dean feel badly because of pictures, then ruining the movie. Maybe Josh was right, and they do belong to two different worlds. 

“Sammy, you don’t have to say that you love something if you don’t.” 

“But I love it” he defended himself, even if he knew Dean could see right through him. “I do. It’s just…scary.” 

Dean laughed, his beautiful smile spreading on his face. 

“Yeah, that’s the goal of a scary movie.” 

“I know, but I didn’t think it would be so scary, you know?” 

“Why did you want to watch it?” 

“I…” he dropped his eyes, chewing his lips. “Josh said that it was a good idea to watch scary movie for a date.” 

“He said that?” 

Sam nodded, not trusting his voice to answer. God, he was so ashamed right now, he sounded so stupid and childish, exactly what he was trying not to be. 

“It’s…when you’re scared, you hug the other person and…I don’t know, you spend a great date and then you…you kiss” He said the last part so low that he was not sure Dean heard him. It was probably better if he didn’t anyway. 

“Well, that was a great advice” Dean said, taking Sam’s hand in his. 

“You think?” 

“I mean, we did spend a great date, and we did hug.” 

“I guess” Sam replied, thinking back. Maybe it wasn’t such a disaster?

“One part is missing, though.” 

The kiss. Sam can feel his cheeks heating up with excitement and anxiety, but most of all with desire. 

“We should…we should do it” he whispered, licking his lips. 

“Only if you want. We don’t have to do a thing if you- “ 

“I want” Sam cuts him off, which made Dean blush, too. 

Dean licked his lips, moving his legs so he was facing Sam. They’re both were very anxious, their hands sweating like crazy. 

Dean brought his face closer, until Sam could feel his breath on his skin. He put his lips on Sam’s, doing nothing more than that initially.. Eventually, he started pushing his tongue against Sam’s mouth, asking permission to enter, which was finally granted. 

It was like fireworks going off. The kiss was not the most practiced, it was just kind of messy, neither of them being sure of what to do.But it didn’t matter because they were finally doing this. They were actually kissing. They had never been this close, not like that. It’s the best thing ever. 

Sam had never felt so loved or more wanted than he felt at that very moment. But most of all, he’d never felt so alive. 

“Thank you” he whispered once they broke the kiss. 

Dean laughed, dragging him into another kiss. 

He never felt this alive neither. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave a comment, I really want to know what you think of this story :)


	7. Chapter 7

Sam: 13 Dean:17

When they started dating, Sam was afraid it won’t last long. Ellen told him that she never had a relationship that lasted more than two months, which was still better than Josh’s one-night stands. If you could even call that relationship, that is.

But they didn’t get tired of each other, quite the opposite. 

He knows that it’s only been six months, but it’s been six incredible months, and even if he knows it’s not a lot, it’s still more than he could ask for. 

He’s taken out of his thoughts when someone put their hands over his eyes. 

“Guess who it is!” 

“Well, I would say that it’s my beautiful and really annoying boyfriend?” 

Dean puts his hands down, turning Sam so he’s now facing him. 

“Sam? Are you cheating on me?” He looks sincerely shocked and Sam rolled his eyes at his dramatic face. 

“Yeah, because there’s a lot of people here.” 

Dean smile fades away almost immediately, replaced by his perfect fake smile that he reserves for his mother. He hates when Sam talks about the other people he lives with, or the lack of people, actually. Sam never understands why. This is his normal. Miss Felicia, Edward, Josh and Ellen. Sometimes, there’s other people that come too, but they never stay long. They’re sick, too, just like him, but they got better after a while, or worse, maybe. Sam never really understood. 

“Don’t make that face. It’s the weekend, and you can stay out all night with me” He said, throwing his arms around Dean’s neck. 

“Yeah, it is” Dean leaned in to kiss him, dragging his hands around his hips. “So, what do you want to do tonight?” 

Sam bit his lip. He’s thought about that for days, knows that there’s still a chance Dean said no, and that if it’s the case, their day will probably be ruined. But as Josh keeps telling him, you only live once. 

“I want to go outside.” 

“We’re already outside.” 

“No Dean, outside the garden. In the city.” 

Dean let his arms drop on each side of Sam, his face going completely blank. 

“No.” 

“What?”

“I said no.”

“But…why?”

“Because I said so!” Dean yelled, anger showing on his face. Usually, Sam would have stopped. He would have said sorry and they wouldn’t have talked about it anymore. But not today. He’s 13 today, and he doesn’t want to spend his birthday in the garden. 

“I’ll go out. With or without you.” 

Dean looks surprised that he even responded, but he only let it show for a moment. 

“You’re sick. You can’t go out.”

“Well, I’m tired of being sick! I can’t do anything! I… I want to go out, Dean, I want to see other people, I want to drink milkshakes and go to the theater. I don’t want to be sick anymore!” His heart was beating like crazy, but he doesn’t care. He needed to say all of this now, or he may have never said it. “Sometimes, I wish I was dead” he whispered, refusing to meet Dean eyes. 

He doesn’t have time to think about what is happening before he’s pinned to the tree, Dean’s strong hands on his shoulders. Dean looks crazy, his eyes are darker than he ever seen them, his jaw clenched and he can see every single one of his veins. 

“Never, ever say that again.” His voice is low and dangerous. 

“If you can’t bear to hear the truth, then it’s your problem, not mine.” 

“Jesus Sam, how can you say that? How can you tell me that you wish you were dead?” Dean’s anger is replaced with sadness and Sam immediately felt guilty. How unfair it is to feel guilty for wanting freedom? 

“I want to live, Dean! I’m not… I’m not asking for going outside every single day, I’m just asking to go out one night. Nothing more. I know that I’m sick, I’m aware of that, but that’s not the only thing I am. My sickness doesn’t definite me. I’m Sam not…whatever this sickness is called. And I’m tired of you acting like that’s all I am.”

Dean let go of him, and Sam immediately missed the sensation of being held because now, it looks like Dean is gonna walk away from him. 

“I… I need to think” Dean said, walking torwards his house. 

“Please don’t leave me” Sam yelled, ignoring how weak that made him. 

Dean is all he has. The only thing in the world he truly has. He loves him with all his heart, always has and always will. Dean doesn’t define him more than his illness does, he knows that he’s someone outside of Dean, but not entirely. Because there’s this bond between them that makes it impossible for one to live without the other. It’s true for him and it’s also true for Dean. 

“I’m not leaving you. That’s never happening.” 

“Then stay. I…Just sit? We can…we don’t have to talk but…just stay?” 

Dean is hesitant, but he finally agrees and sit on the floor right next to Sam. 

They’re silent for a long moment, Dean’s head between his hands while Sam dropped his against his legs. Is he wrong to want to go outside? He’s 13 and he’s never walk on the street, never saw a shop or even went to a restaurant. He doesn’t want to die without experimenting with all of those things. 

“You can’t go out. Not today. But I…next week. We will go out.” 

“Next week? Why?” 

Dean gave him the look that means that he shouldn’t ask more questions and Sam does as he is told. 

“I’m sorry, Sammy. I… I really wish you could go out. That you didn’t have to live like this.” 

“It’s not that bad” Sam said, making himself some room in Dean’s arms. “I got you. It’s more than the others got.” 

Dean smiled sadly before kissing his head, holding him protectively. 

He can’t help but smile too, knowing that next week, for the first time in his life, he’ll be able to go out. 


	8. Chapter 8

Where Sam lived, when he’s not with Dean, there were no mirrors. Not even one. He knows what he looks like because Dean has drawn him, and so did Josh and Miss Felicia. But he has never truly seen himself and doesn’t know if the sketches actually look like him or not.

Sometimes, he wondered if he was ugly. If his sickness deformed him or if maybe half of his face was different from the other side. Dean kept telling him that he’s beautiful, pretty and glorious. He believed him, until today at least.

Of all the 365 days the year contained, Dean chose Halloween to go out.

“Am I ugly?”

“What?”

“Am I ugly, Dean? Or deformed? I mean, I honest to God don’t know, so if I am, tell me!” Sam was torn between anger and sadness. Anger because he couldn’t believe Dean would humiliate him like this, but sadness because he doesn’t want to look like a monster. If he really was hideous looking, then he’d rather not going out.

Dean sighs, cupping Sam’s head in his hands.

“You’re the most beautiful boy I ever seen. You’ve got beautiful eyes that I can’t even describe, you have the most glorious hair ever, you’re…you’re just…God, I wish you could see how beautiful you are. The drawing? That’s not even one percent of how beautiful you are.”

Sam blushed furiously, and he tried to hide his smile by rolling his eyes.

“Alright” he said, kissing Dean on the lips. “Still doesn’t explain why you chose Halloween to go out?”

“There’s a party, and I thought you would like to go?”

“A party?”

“Yes. Or we can go find a restaurant, if you wish.”

“Party!” he said, jumping with excitement.

Dean laughed, taking Sam’s hand in his. “Let’s go then.”

Sam’s level of excitement does not waver as they got closer to the fence, but the fear and apprehension were getting stronger. Dean was holding his hand so tight that he’s afraid he will break it, but he doesn’t mention it, not when there’s only one step separating him from the street. He has never been this close before, never seen the street so well.

There were a lot of people, all dressed up as vampires, zombies, and other things that Sam couldn’t really name.

“Aren’t we gonna look weird? I mean, we don’t have any disguises on.”

“Nah, don’t worry.”

It’s funny how one step can look so big, so imposing. He just needed to move his foot, as he does every day, but his body doesn’t seem to want to move, and neither does Dean.

“We still can go back” Dean said, eyes glued on the street.

“No. I want to do this.” He knew he could do it, that he will do it eventually. He needed this. “You’re staying with me, right?”

“Of course, Sammy.”

When he finally closed the gap, Dean was holding his hand even tighter than before, eyes closed like he was afraid Sam wouldn’t have been able to take that final step. But he did it. Without any problems, he was finally able to get out.

“Shit” Sam said, laughing.

“How do you feel?” Dean looks worried, eyebrows drawn together as he looked at Sam from every angle.

“Good. I mean, not different.”

“At all?”

“At all. I told you, Dean. I’m fine”

Dean finally smiled before dragging Sam closer to his chest, kissing his forehead.

“Let’s go”

Sam could not say he was not a little disappointed by his experience in the “real world”. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it definitely was not this. It was nice, full of children and parents walking through the street, laughing and smiling. There were people looking at him weirdly, but their attention was mostly directed to their joined hands, not to his face. He’s not sure if he was supposed to be grateful or not.

“Why are they looking at us like that?”

“Well, you see, two boys holding hands isn’t really…acceptable. Not for everyone, at least.”

“Oh” Sam said, trying to sound like he understands even if he didn’t. Why would it be unacceptable to hold Dean’s hand? He read books with boys being in love with boys, girls being in love with girls, and boys and girls being in love together. He doesn’t see any difference, and no one ever mentioned it. But then again, he suspected Dean and Miss Felicia were trying to protect him by giving him only “positive” books. Hell, he only knew about sex thanks to Josh. “Do you want me to let go of your hand?”

“Never” Dean said, shoving him gently. “They’re surprised but I think it’s mostly because they have known me for a long time and I never been with a boy before.”

“You have never been with a boy?” Sam was surprised and didn’t even try to hide it. 

“Nope. Not with a girl either, actually” If Sam didn’t know better, he would said that Dean sounded embarrassed.

“How is that possible? I mean, look at you!”

“I don’t know, I just…I wasn’t really interested.”

“Is it because your best friend is so good looking that you couldn’t think of any one else?”

Dean laughed, pushing Sam away before dragging him back immediately and throwing his arm around his shoulders.

“Yes, that was the exact reason.”

Sam was not able to reply when they stopped in front of a big house, way louder than any other house on the street. There were teenagers, some are disguised, the others were not, and some were wearing really, really sexy things. Wasn’t Halloween supposed to be scary?

“Cindy!” Dean yelled, waving his hand in a girl’s direction. She’s tiny, even tinier than Sam is, and she’s dressed as a nurse- if you consider that it’s ok for a nurse to wear such skimpy clothes.

“Dean!” She threw herself at him with her arms wrapping around his neck, and Sam couldn’t help the wave of jealousy that hit him. “It’s so good to see you! I’m glad you came.”

“Yeah, so am I” He let go of her and dragged Sam to his side again. “Sam, this is Cindy, Cindy this is Sam, my boyfriend”

“Yeah, you mentioned it. One or a thousand times” She rolled her eyes before smiling at Sam. “Nice to meet you.”

She took him into her arms without any warning and he could not help but gasp. Hugging a girl was definitely different than hugging a boy. Well, not that much, but it was the first time he felt something against his chest in that way.

“Nice to meet you, too.”

Cindy was gone before hearing him, going to hug someone else.

“She’s…really affectionate.”

“She’s really high” Dean whispered in his ear.

“There are drugs here?”

“Yes, and don’t you even thinking about touching it!”

Sam rolled his eyes, but didn’t reply. It was his first and only time out and he didn’t want to spend it on drugs.

“So, you talk about me, huh?”

“You’re kind of hard to live with, I need to complain about you sometimes.” he took his hand again. “Come on, I need to introduce you to the others.”  


Sam already knew everything about Dean’s friends, even through he had never seen them before. When he was younger, Dean used to tell him about his day down to the tiniest details, until Sam was able to see it every time he closed his eyes. They don’t do that anymore, but Dean still talks a lot about his friends because he knows Sam likes it.

There’s Chris, Ryan, Jonas, Matt, and a lot, lot of others, completely high and screaming. It was fun at first, but it rapidly becomes too much. Sam had never been in a house so full of people, nor in a room so noisy. Even when Josh has his fits and screams at the top of his lungs, it’s still not even close to this level.

It was too hot, way too hot. He needed to get out.

Dean was talking with his friends and Sam doesn’t want to take him away from them. He knows that Dean doesn’t go out a lot, if at all. Because every night that he isn’t home means that he isn’t with Sam, and their time together is already too short.

Sam found his way to the empty kitchen. He let out a breath, finally being able to breathe.

“Too loud?”

He jumped, watching as a boy moved out of a corner of the room.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you.”

“No problem. Sam, right?” He extended his hand. “I’m Steve.”

“Hi, yes, it’s me. How do you know my name?”

“Oh, Dean kept showing you around.”

Sam smiled at the mention of Dean, and Steve smiled back, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“So, what do you think of this little party?”

“It’s great” Sam admitted, sitting on the counter. “I’m just not really used to being with so many people.”

“I bet.”

Sam frowned, not sure of what he meant, but before he can ask anything, Steve was putting a cup in his hands.

Steve has the reddest hair Sam has ever seen. Even in movies, no one has hair like that, looking more like flames than actual hair. But that’s not the first thing you see when you look at him, because the intensity of his hair was nothing compared to the deep, red scars that crossed his face.

“Halloween, what a party huh?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool” Sam didn’t drink, not really sure of what was inside of the cup.

“It’s more than a party, you know”

“How’s that?”

“Isn’t it the scariest night of the year?”

“I guess” As far as Sam was concerned, Halloween may be the best day of the year, not that he would tell that to Steve.

There was something about Steve that made Sam’s hair stand up. His eyes were dark, looking at Sam like he can see right through his soul. It was uncomfortable and Sam wished Dean would just show up, but he could hear him laughing in the other room.

“Do you know why Halloween is such a scary night?” Steve asked, getting closer to Sam. “Because Halloween isn’t a normal night, far from that. See, my grandma used to tell me that there were two worlds: the one of the living and the one of the dead. It’s simple. Or it should be. But it’s not, because some souls, they refused to leave this world, they craved our grass, possessed our homes, holding themselves to a life that was once theirs but that was long gone. We don’t see them, and they can’t touch us. Except on Halloween. Because Halloween? We celebrate them. And they all are allowed to go out, to talk and walk with us, to make us fall in love with them, to kill us. We don’t know who is dead and who is alive on that day.” He put his mouth next to Sam’s ear, whispering so only he could hear “Sometimes they don’t even know themselves.”

“And we’re gone” Dean said, grabbing Sam’s arms and dragging him outside.

Sam looked behind him as they walk forward. Steve was looking at him with dark eyes, full of rage and hate.

“Jesus, this guy has a real problem.”

Sam was feeling dizzy, his heart pumping so wildly that he could feel it in his ears.

“Hey, don’t believe what he just said” Dean said, pushing Sam against his chest. “He’s crazy. I don’t even know why he was here, no one likes him”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why does no one like him?” Sam was holding onto Dean’s leather jacket, his nose buried in his chest.

“Because he’s weird? He’s always saying weird things, about…well, about everything, really”

“You think it’s true?”

“What?”

“Ghosts.”

Dean doesn’t answer right away, his fingers getting lost in Sam’s hair. Every second that passed made Sam more nervous. Was it possible, to be dead and not being aware of it? What made you alive? Was it breathing? Walking? Loving? If he was dead, he wouldn’t be able to love, would he?

“Do you think you’re dead?”

“Maybe” Sam replied honestly.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think you would be able to love me if you were a ghost?”

“I…No?”

“No, you wouldn’t” Dean pushed him until Sam was sitting on the wall. It’s quiet outside, a real contrast with the loud music and people that are inside, living and screaming. Was this how it would feel to be dead? Living in a world where people are talking, with beating hearts and living souls, while you can only look through the window, alone. “You grow up.”

“What?”

“You grow up, Sammy. Ghosts don’t grow up.”

“Yes but… Miss Felicia, she didn’t grow older. Neither did Edward. I never…you all say that it’s the disease. But why would I grow older, and not them? And why would the sickness keep us young?” His voice was shaking but he needed to ask, needed to know. “Am I dead, Dean?”

“No.” It comes out so easily, so naturally, that Sam was just ready to accept it without further explanation. But he couldn’t, because there was still so many questions to answer, so many things that he needed to know. “You’re not dead, Sammy. And if you were? Then it’s ok, because we’re together. And if you’re dead and I’m alive, then it simply means that you’re waiting for me to come. Please know that I would die for you. In a heartbeat.”

“I don’t want you to die” he whispered, tears welling in his eyes.

“As long as you’re staying with me, I’m not going anywhere.” he kissed him, tenderly and full of love, until Sam stopped shaking and he could finally let himself melt into the kiss. “We’re alive, Sammy. We’re alive.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapter so I hope you all like it   
> Also, leave a comment please, just so I know if people are still reading this


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is finally beta ! Thanks to [automatically-queen](https://automatically-queen.tumblr.com/)

Sam: 14 and a half/Dean: 18

“How was your day?” Dean asked, shoving his fingers down Sam’s back.

“Better now,” Sam moaned, already on Dean, licking and sucking hickeys onto his neck.

They were lying behind a tree, Sam straddling dean and grinding down onto him. It was their two year anniversary and Sam intended to celebrate it properly.

“You know the date?” He whispered in Dean’s ear.

“November second,” Dean replied, with way less enthusiasm than Sam was expecting.

Every year, Mary goes to Missouri’s house on this exact weekend. Missouri had gone to their house once, and Dean had told Sam to hide because he didn’t want him to see her. Sam would have been pissed if it wasn’t for Miss Felicia, who assured him that it was best if they just went away for the weekend. Missouri never came back, but Mary still visited her every year.

“Well, that’s an enthusiastic boyfriend I got there,” Sam pouted.

Dean laughed, taking Sam’s face in his hands before kissing his nose. Sam closed his eyes and smiled, letting Dean manhandle them both into a sitting position, with Sam situated on his lap, facing Dean.

Sam swiveled his hips a little, feeling dean through the rough denim. Dean took a deep shuddering breath and grabbed Sam’s hips, keeping him still. Sam wanted to move his hips down, to let Dean feel him, but he refrained knowing that whatever Dean had to say, it was going to be important.

“My mom is staying here this weekend.” Dean said, pushing Sam hair behind his ear.

“What?”

“Yeah, she… She wants to stay with me and all.”

“But… Why?”

“Don’t know. My dad is coming, too.” He laughed again but there was no humor behind it “Shit, I think they want to get back together. It’s been 14 years, 14 fucking years, and they didn’t give a shit about me or about this family back then, and now that I’m almost an adult, they want to get back together.”

Sam bit his lips, contemplating what to say, he knew he had to tread lightly. He wasn’t used to Dean talking so much about his parents, or his feelings for that matter.

He took Dean's hands in his, rubbing soothing circles in them

“Maybe… Maybe it’s great? I mean, it would be good for you, no?”

Dean looked at a point over Sam’s shoulder, not meeting his gaze.

“It’s ruining our anniversary, though…”

“It’s okay, we can just spend some time together here...” Sam said, trying his best to mask his disappointment. He had waited for this day for so long, and had a clear idea of how he wanted it to go, he had everything planned. But Dean’s happiness comes first, and he was pretty sure that this was a good thing.

“Maybe you can come to my house?”

Sam’s heart skipped a beat, ever since their first date he’d never been to Dean’s house. But now, Dean was finally offering and he would be damned if he passed on that offer. 

“I… Yeah, I mean, sure. But your parents will be there...” Sam said, before smiling “Maybe I could meet them ?”

“No” Dean tone was hard, leaving no room for argument. “I… No. You can’t meet them. You could, like, stay in my room? Just for the night. If you want, of course.”

“Yeah, that’d be great…” Sam said, smiling bitterly as he dropped a kiss on Dean’s cheek.

He knew he should insist on meeting Dean’s parents, but his insecurities whispered in the back of his mind. What if Dean didn’t want him to meet his parents for other reasons. Was he just a fling? Was he not good enough? He shook his head, banishing the thoughts to the darkest corners of his mind. Dean said he wasn’t ready yet, his parents had only learned that he was gay a little while ago, after their little escapade on Halloween. They were beyond pissed when they found out Dean hadn’t told them, not that Sam blamed him. Dean's relationship with his parents is better now, but Dean was still against Sam meeting them because he was scared of their reactions. Or at least, that’s what he told Sam.

“Can you like, climb to the window?”

Sam looked at the house. The second floor wasn't really all that high, he could probably do it, but he wasn't entirely sure. What if he falls? 

“I… Yeah. I can do it,”

“Sammy, if you can’t, that’s ok,”

“No. I can do it.” Sam said with as much confidence that he could muster. “Can we watch a movie?”

Dean smiled, his eyes shining with happiness and Sam couldn't help but smile too.

“Sure babe. What kind?”

“Horror?”

Dean laughed, pulling Sam against his chest. “Horror it is then.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my sweet beta [automatically-queen](https://automatically-queen.tumblr.com/) who beta this chapter and the previous one

Climbing Dean’s window proved to be much easier than expected. He’d waited until dark like Dean told him to before climbing the tree and using the rope Dean had left out for him.

“You’re amazing.” Dean said, taking Sam hands to help him get inside, “My little hero.”

“Does that make you Rapunzel? I mean, the whole climbing up to your window without anyone seeing me.”

“Are you joking? You’re the one with the long hair!” Dean said pouting as he closed the window.

“I may have the long hair but you’re the pretty one,” Sam whispered as he stepped closer to Dean, they were almost chest to chest. Dean’s eyes shifted from his down to his lips and stayed there.

“Am I just as pretty as her Sammy?” Dean said, wrapping his arms around Sam’s waist.

“Maybe a little more,” Sam whispered, finally closing the gap between their lips.

He doesn't think he'll ever get tired of this. Dean's lips were so soft, so full, he could spend eternity kissing him without getting tired of it.

He was lifted off the floor by Dean’s strong arms and he curled his legs around Dean’s waist on reflex, squeezing his legs tight and grinding his hips down onto Dean’s. Sam shivered as Dean slid his hands under his shirt and skimmed them up his chest, tweaking one of his nipples. Sam moaned at the sensation, wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck.

In all the two years of their relationship, they’ve never done anything sexual. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t want to, quite the opposite actually, but Dean claimed that he was too young. Now though, Sam was almost 15 and wanted to celebrate his birthday… properly.

They fell onto the bed with as much gentleness that they could possess at a time like this, Sam’s legs still firmly wrapped around Dean’s waist. He could feel Dean getting hard, and he hoped that Dean could feel his own arousal, his own will for it to _finally_ happen.

He started to grind his hips down, getting some friction onto his aching hardness as he kissed Dean, small gasps escaping his lips as the kiss got more intense.

“Sam, babe, my parents are in the other room,” Dean whispered against his lips.

“So?”

“So they can’t hear us. Don’t want them to come in.”

“Did you close the door?” Sam asked, kissing Dean’s neck.

“Yeah.”

“So we’re good.”

Dean was about to protest but Sam cut him off with a kiss before he could, Dean happily letting him take the lead. They were moving faster now, desperate grinding bordering on painful from the rough denim. Sam decided right there that if he had to die, he wanted it to be this way.

They both took their shirts off, and Dean’s lips found themselves wrapped around one of Sam's nipples immediately. It was even better than what Josh told him. He threw his head back, eyes closed with pleasure as Dean sucked on his nipples while their hips kept moving.

They were too far gone to notice how the bed kept hitting the wall, and how loud they moaned - like they were alone in the house.

“Dean?” Someone asked through the door “Are you ok?”

“Fuck,” Dean whispered, “Y-Yeah dad, I’m fine!”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah!”

There was a long silence, Sam was trying to catch his breath while making as little noise as possible while Dean was sweating with stress, his arms protectively caging Sam’s head.

“Are you… Are you alone?”

“I… Uh… No” Dean admitted, knowing that there was no way he could get away with it.

“Oh, ok.” There was another pause, more awkward than the first one, “Do you… Do you need anything? Like… Condoms or something?”

“God, dad, no!” Dean said, putting his forehead against Sam’s who couldn't help but laugh.

John laughed too, the bastard, and Dean had no idea who he hated the most at this moment.

“What’s your boyfriend’s name?”

Sam could feel Dean freeze above him, his jaw clenched while he refused to meet Sam’s eyes.

“Dad, please!”

“What? A name too much?”

“I… Yes, it is.”

“Alright, alright. Just… Be careful.”

“Yeah. Can you leave now?”

John laughed again, apparently not as embarrassed by the situation as Dean was, before walking away. They both held their breath until they heard John closing the door to Mary’s room.

“Fuck,” Dean said, letting out the breath he was holding before kissing Sam’s nose “I swear, my dad is the worst!”

He started laughing but stopped as soon as he saw that Sam hadn’t joined him. He frowned and looked at him with worried eyes.

“Are you ok?”

“Are you… are you ashamed of me?” Sam asked, his throat tights with tears, one already making its way down his cheek. His previous insecurities brought back to light.

“What?” Dean looked confused, but he moved off of Sam until he was sitting in front of him.

“Are you ashamed of me? I get you not wanting me to meet your parents for… whatever reason, but you don’t even want to tell your dad my name.” Sam laughed but there was no humor behind it “Is it… Is it because I’m sick?”

“No, no, Sammy, it’s not that, I swear!” Dean took his face between his hands, forcing Sam to look at him. “This has nothing to do with you. I promise. I’m not ashamed of you!” His voice got softer as he rubbed his thumb over Sam’s face, “How could I be? You’re everything I ever wanted.”

“So why?” Sam asked, anger clear in his voice.

“I… I can’t tell you.”

“If you can’t tell me, I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back!”

They both knew it was a lie, that he would never, ever, get away from Dean, but just the idea was enough to make Dean’s face twist in horror.

“Don’t say that. Please, don’t say that.”

“Then tell me, Dean!” He yelled, not caring that Dean's parents were here, probably able to hear them.

Dean didn’t say anything for a long time, looking at his hands which were folded in his lap. Sam was about to drop it, unable to stand seeing Dean so miserable, but then Dean lifted his head, eyes brimming with tears.

“I… I had a brother, once. We were… We were four years apart. He was… He was the cutest thing ever,” Dean smiled, remembering the little baby his parents took home so long ago now, how he used to spend hours just looking at his brother, imagining how they would play together, share clothes and toys, becomes friends and grow up together. “We were happy. So happy. But… I… One night, there was a fire in our house. We don’t… We don’t know how it started, but by the time we noticed it, it was too late. I… The nursery was on fire, and I ran, I swear I ran, to try to get him out of the room. But it was too late. I… I saw him, Sam. I saw him burning and screaming right in front of me!” Dean was sobbing now, tears running down his face, his voice sounding broken, shaking with the emotions and the pain. “My parents… They never got over it. How could they let their little boy die? He was just an innocent baby.”

“It’s unfair,” Sam whispered, crying too, “I’m sorry Dean, I’m so sorry you had to live through that. I’m sorry it happened. I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have pushed you...”

“It’s alright,” Dean said, sniffing. “It was a long time ago now. But my brother, he was named Samuel, too. I can’t… If I tell your name to my parents, I don’t know how they will react. My mom still cries every time she sees a baby, I can’t… I can’t do that to her.”

“I understand,” Sam assured, taking Dean’s hands in his, “It’s ok Dean, I understand.”

Dean tried to smile but ended up bursting into tears, and Sam moved until he could take him in his arms, trying to reassure him as much as he could.

He couldn't help but wonder why Dean never talked about it. Even if it was a hard subject, even if it was painful, why would he never mention it? They were best friends for years, boyfriends for two, and still, Dean never mentioned his brother or the fact that Sam shared his name with him. It wasn't a small detail, and Sam could feel his stomach twisting with doubts.

As they fell asleep, arms tight around each other, legs tangled together, Sam couldn't help but think back to Steve’s words. “We don’t know who is dead and who is alive anymore. Sometimes they don’t even know themselves...”


	11. Chapter 11

Sam: 15 Dean: 19

The little cloud that Sam and Dean had been floating on not so long ago had been slowly deteriorating for six months now.

How can something so perfect turn into such a nightmare in such a short span of time? Sam had no idea.

They still loved each other and were still in love with each other, there was no doubt about that. Yet, Dean’s secrets and Sam’s interrogations were ripping a hole between them full of distrust and lies  
Sam had questions that Dean didn't want to answer; nor did any of the people that Sam used to consider as his family.

When Sam’d mentioned Dean’s brother everyone pretended not to know about it.

His only ally was Ellen, who had been living in front of Dean’s house for as long as he could remember. She’d told him that she had met Mary on several occasions, Edward had lived there for as long as he could remember along with Miss Felicia.

  
How are you supposed to react when you find out that your life is a lie?

  
It’s funny how he never paid attention to these things before - maybe it was his brain trying to protect himself? Maybe he simply refused to see the truth? Well, it was too late now, he understood everything.

  
He understands now, what Edward meant when he told him about his one true love, his Mae, the sun of his life. How they met when they were children and grew up together, back in their village. How they took her away before throwing Edward in a cotton field, and how he sometimes prays for her to come here too. How his name wasn’t Edward, but they called him that. Sam always thought he was talking about the doctors that discovered his illness. Now, he knows.

  
He understands now, what Miss Felicia meant when she said that she used to work in an Orphanage before all the children and herself got sick. He never paid attention to a pustule she has on her body, nor did he pay attention to the way she shivered every time Josh joked about the Plague. Now, he knows.

  
He understands what Josh meant when he said he fought too hard on his motorcycle, how he was going too fast. He understands the bite marks on his arms, how he would say he missed getting high. Why they all talked about the hole in his head and the motorcycle that drove him away. Now, he knows.

  
He understands now, that Ellen took her own life after her baby died in her belly.

He understands now, all the people coming by before flying away, how the little girl that used to play with him when he was little was here because her mom carried her favorite doll in her bag every time she went to see Mary.

  
He understands now, that everything was a lie. That his whole life – Can he even call it a life?- every single person he loved lied to him.

  
Dean, his best friend, his boyfriend, his lover, his everything, his... brother.

The tree, where what little rest of him was buried.

He understands now, and he wishes he never did.

 

 

He entered the house by the back door, his heart beating stronger than ever – Why can he feel his heart even after death? Maybe he can’t, maybe it’s all in his head.

  
It’s not the time to think about that.

  
Mary is here, in the kitchen, her back toward him. He can’t see her face, but he knows that she’s not smiling, she’s never smiling.

“Mom?” The word tastes weird in his mouth “Mom?”

Mary turns around, and he thinks that she’ll look at him, that she’ll see him and cry a little bit because her baby is back.

But she walks past him like he isn’t even here.

“Mommy?” He asks again, tears pricking his eyes. Why can’t she see him? She’s his mom, she should see him! “Mom!”

He yells, as strong as he can, tears running down his face, but nothing works, and he falls to his knees, watching his mother leave the room without being able to do anything. Can't Mary feel it? Can't she feel that her son is there? Her dead son. Not her son. Dean is her only child now. Sam belongs to the past, to the memories. He doesn't have anything to do with this world.


	12. Chapter 12

Sam is burning with rage, it’s 2 am and Dean isn’t here - he hasn’t been here all day, even though they were supposed to meet. They need to talk, have an actual conversation but Dean isn’t here.

“Where have you been?” Sam asked jaw clenched as he saw his boyfriend walking into the garden. “I waited for you all day and all night, where were you?”

“Out,” Dean said, not even looking at him.

“Out? That’s your answer?! I was so worried! You’ve never done that before! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because Sam, I'm allowed to go out once in a while!” Dean yelled.

“I didn’t say that you couldn’t, I’m saying that you should have told me!”

Dean sighs before sitting on the porch, his head between his hands. Sam isn’t being irrational, he knows that. Was it too hard for Dean to tell him before leaving? If Sam didn’t show up one day, Dean would be worried too.

The realization hit Sam, and he could already feel a knot in his stomach.

“Were you… Were you with a girl Dean?”

Dean doesn’t answer and keeps his head down, but Sam could sense the guilt seeping from him in waves. That was all he needed to know.

“I can’t believe you! Do I mean anything to you Dean?! Anything at all?” He asked tears pricking his eyes, “Or am I just another one of your worthless playthings?! Do we… do we even mean anything to you? Our relationship?!” He said looking at Dean - his best friend, his lover, his whole world, “Don’t you love me?” He whispered, tears spilling from his eyes as his breath hitched.

“I do!” Dean yelled, finally looking up, “Of course I do Sam. I’ve never loved anyone more than you!”

“Then why… how could you do that to me?” He cried, as a huge gust of wind blew, causing one of the tree branches to crash onto the ground. “How could you do that? I trusted you!” He yelled, anger coursing through his veins as the French window cracked and shattered into a million pieces.

“Sam, you need to calm down,” Dean said as he moved his hands forward to touch him, but Sam pushed him away. He never saw Dean look so hurt.

“No. You don’t… You don’t get to touch me. Not after this.”

“Sammy…”

Sam shakes his head, refusing to hear any other words. “It’s Sam to you now.” He said; he had never felt so broken, so sad in his entire life. How could Dean do that? He promised to love him forever, no matter what, no matter who. But he cheats on him the first chance he gets.

Did he think about him when he was with her? Did he kiss her? Did he sleep with her? 

“I didn’t sleep with her,” Dean said - as if that would make anything better, “I didn’t. I just… God, Sam, I needed to clear my head!”

“Clear your head?” Sam laughs “I wish I could do the same thing, Dean. But I’m stuck in this garden, in this fucking house, next to this fucking tree. I just find out that you lied to me. That every single person lied to me. I need you, I really, really need you. But you’re not here because you want to clear your head with some random girl.”

“Sam…”

“Did you kiss her?”

“I… She kissed me” Dean says, sitting on the stairs “I pushed her away, immediately.”

“Was it better than kissing me?” Sam asked, tears running down his face.

“No,” Dean shook his head “This will never happen again. Sammy, I… I know, that we need to talk. But honestly? I don’t want to. I can’t lose you. Not again.”

Sam nods, too many emotions rushing through him. He sits next to Dean, their legs touching slightly.

“I don’t see it the same way...” He says, looking out at the garden “I used to see beautiful colors. There were flowers, red, blue, yellow, and it was just… Green. Beautiful. Now, everything is… It’s like everything is dead. Even the tree.”

“This is how I always saw it,” Dean says, “I didn’t understand at first when you were talking about the garden. I thought I was crazy. That there was something wrong with me, you know?”

“Did you always know? That I was… Who I am?”

Dean looked at him for a long time, and Sam wished that he knew what he was thinking about.

“I don’t know. No, I guess. I mean… I thought you were my imaginary friend. I even talked about it with my psychologist. He said it was normal, and I believed him. But then I grew up, and one day I was at school and someone mentioned that my house used to be an orphanage. They talked about how every child and worker died from Plague. They mentioned Miss Felicia, and I… I remembered you talking about her.” Dean swallowed hard, “I saw her, too.”

“What?” Sam said, his eyes widening. Dean never, ever talked about seeing any of Sam’s friends. They never acknowledged each other, no matter how many times Sam asked them to.

“I think something is wrong with me,” Dean says, “I can… I can see you, but I can see the others, too...”

“How?”

“When… when the fire began, I ran into your room and I… I died too but just for a few minutes. I don’t remember it but maybe… maybe it was enough to enable me too see you? See all of you?” Dean asked, looking at Sam as if he expects him to answer all of his questions. It’s the first time that Sam had seen Dean so scared, so small, he isn’t the big invincible hero Sam is used to - He’s just a lost little boy.

“I think so, yeah... But... They saw me, at the party. And your dad" He closes his eyes, "My dad" He repeats "Our dad heard us"

"Halloween it's... It's a special night, where... Where every souls can see each other... Alive or not..." Dean sighs, "And dad he... He heard me, mostly. I mean, he heard the bed and me moaning but that's it... I... I'm sorry"

”I know" Sam said, wanting to take Dean’s hand, but not being sure he should. “We’re brothers...” He says finally.

Dean closes his eyes before dropping his head.

“How… Do you love me? As… As a lover? Or did you pretend because you didn’t want to make me sad?”

“I love you.” There’s no hesitation behind the words, and Sam can’t help but smile “I love you, as a brother, as a best friend, and as a lover. Sammy, I think… I think the reason you keep growing up and getting older although you’re… I think it’s because of us.”

“What do you mean?” Sam frowns.

“You know, my… Our mom’s friend, Missouri?” He waits for Sam to nod before continuing, “She can see ghosts, too. When she came here she wasn’t able to see you because I always told you to hide. She said that… that sometimes, souls are created together. She said that we were supposed to do big things together, we were supposed to save the world. We died together instead but after I came back she thinks… she thinks I took part of your soul, and you took a part of mine. You keep aging while I’m able to see… others, like you. You couldn’t go inside the house because I wasn’t sure if mom could see you or not. Even if she couldn’t see you, you wouldn’t have understood why she acted like you weren’t here. I’m… I’m sorry, Sam. For keeping everything from you.”

Sam stays silent, trying to understand everything Dean just told him.

He thought that he would feel awful, after knowing the truth; that he would be devastated and angry to know that he’s dead, that Dean is his brother, that he doesn’t belong here. But he feels at peace, more so than ever. Maybe he always knew, and he simply refused to face it all along.

“Soulmates huh?” Sam says, smirking “I like that.”

“I like that too,” Dean said, taking Sam’s hand tentatively, “And I love you. Dead or alive.”

“Dead or alive,” Sam replies, dropping his head onto Dean’s shoulder.


	13. Chapter 13

“What do we do now?” Sam asks, sitting on Dean’s bed “Am I… Am I supposed to disappear?”

“No!” Dean says, looking at Sam like he’s crazy “Why would you do that?”

“I don’t know, they always say that ghosts need to go to the light and all...”

“Yeah, well if you see a light, you run in the opposite direction, got it?”

Sam rolls his eyes but agrees anyway.

“I could die,” Dean said.

Sam waits for a joke to come before realizing that Dean is completely serious.

“The fuck, Dean?! No! Don’t die!”

“Why not? I would be with you forever...”

“Dean, it’s… It’s not funny, being dead. I… It’s boring,”

“We could go to heaven, together.”

“I want you to live,” Sam says, “I thought about it, Dean. The fact that we’re soulmates, it means that we’ll share a heaven. But I don’t… I don’t want you to take your own life. I want you to get a job, to find a house, to… To get married”

“Don’t say that!”

“Dean, I want you to be happy,”

“I’m happy when I’m with you.”

“Yeah, but-”

“No, Sam, you don’t get it. I’m happy when I’m with you, but that’s the only moment I’m happy. The rest of the time, I’m just… Miserable.”

“I don’t want you to die,” Sam replies sternly.

“What do we do now?”

“That’s my line,” Sam says, which make Dean smile 

“Do you think I could get out of the house?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you… Do you think I’m tied to the house? Or am I tied to you?”

Dean doesn’t answer, but he frowns, and he seems to consider the idea for the first time.

“No… I mean, Missouri, she said that you were tied to the house...”

“Oh,” Sam says, hope instantly squashed “Well… Maybe… Maybe you could just live your life and I could wait here for you?”

“Alone?”

“I’m not alone,” Sam says really slowly, not really sure of his own words “I got friends.”

“It’s not the same.”

“No, it’s not,” Sam admits with a sigh.

“So we’re back at the beginning.”

“I guess…”

Sam puts his head on Dean's chest, his brother rubbing his arm slowly.

“Maybe… Maybe I could convince mom to go live with dad? I mean, they’re back together now.”

“Maybe we could tell her, about me.” 

“Sammy, I didn’t… I didn’t tell you everything... Dad, he’s… He’s a hunter”

“Ok?”

“No, he hunts… Werewolves, demons, vampires… Ghosts...”

“What?” Sam said, eyes widening with horror.

“Yeah. I found out a while ago. He doesn’t know that I know. But we can’t tell him, because I’m not… I’m not sure what he would do.”

“You think he would… Kill me?”

“It’s not… Killing you. He would set you free. Like I should do.”

“I don’t want you to do it.”

“I don’t want to do it.”

Dean kisses the top of his head, and Sam closes his eyes in happiness. Maybe if they could stay like that forever, they wouldn’t have to worry about anything.

“We should tell them, and if dad… If dad reacts badly, then I die. End of story… I’ll kill myself.”

Sam thinks about it, biting his bottom lip.

“Ok...” He says apprehensively.

“Ok.” Dean replies, hugging Sam tighter “You’ve got yourself a deal.”


	14. Chapter 14

“Dean, come on son, speak!” John sighs, sitting at the table next to Dean and Mary.

“I… I need you to be really receptive. To listen without talking.”

“Dean, baby, are you alright?” Mary asks, putting her hand on Dean’s.

“Yes, mom,” He smiles “But I need to tell you something, and I don’t know how you’ll react.”

“Is it about your boyfriend?” John asks.

“Yes. Kind of,” He sighs “Mom, dad, I… You know how you always wondered why I was in the garden for so long, every single day? You said you thought I needed to be close to the tree because I was somehow close to Sam like that.” Mary tenses, but nods “I… You were right. But not… Not like you thought. Sam, he didn’t… He didn’t leave. Not really.”

“What do you mean?” John frowns

“He… He was there. In the garden. We… He grew up. Over the months, the years. He grew up, and he’s… God, he’s so beautiful.”

Mary puts her hands in front of her mouth as she starts crying, and John looks at Dean with so much rage and hate that Dean has to look down.

“Dean, if you think this is funny-’

“It’s not, dad. I… I don’t know what to tell you. Sam is here, he’s always been here. But he’s… He’s dead. He’s not alive. He didn’t… He didn’t know, who he was. I did. I kept it secret because I thought it was better for everyone but now… Now I need to say it.”

“Missouri said that Sam was here. She knew, from the beginning,” Mary says, her hands shaking, “She said that she could feel him.”

“Mary…”

“No, John. I… Can we see him?” She asks, looking at Dean, “If you can, we can too, right?”

“I think… I think I’m able to see him, because I died, too.”

“We can’t see him,” John says, “We can’t, not now, but there’s another way. We could cast an invocation him, or wait ‘till Halloween.”

“Halloween?” Mary repeats, frowning, “You… You took your boyfriend out on Halloween. And you…” She stops, “Dean…”

“I’m sorry, Mama,” He says, his voice shaking, “I’m so, so sorry. I… We fell in love. I know it’s wrong, but I-“

“I need to lay down,” Mary says while raising her hand in front of her, stopping Dean from talking, “Don’t Dean. I need to… I need to take a break.”

“Mary, we should talk to him,” John says, to Dean and Mary’s surprise, “15 years. Our baby is 15 years old. I need to see him. Now.”

“John…”

“Where is he?” John demands.

“In my room,” Dean admits.

“Fine. Get him ready. I’ll put everything together.”

Dean nods, taking one last look at his mom. She doesn’t meet his eyes.

The knot in his stomach keeps getting bigger and bigger, his blood thrumming in his ears.

Sam is waiting on his bed, Dean’s phone in his hands, and when he turns, he’s smiling like a little kid, and Dean is even sicker because maybe this is the last time he sees Sam. Maybe their dad will make him go away, forever, somewhere Dean can’t find him.

“Hey babe,” Sam says, his legs against the wall.

“Hey,” Dean replies, laying next to Sam before kissing him.

“I’m not gone. Is it a good sign?”

“Dad wants to cast an invocation on you,” Dean says, caressing Sam’s hair.

“But I’m already here?”

“No. I mean, you’re here for me to see, but they can’t see you.”

“Oh,” Sam takes Dean’s hand in his. The smile he had just a few seconds ago fading away, “I… I’m scared.”

“Me too,” Dean admits, “But whatever happens Sam, I’ll find you. Got it?”

“Yeah,” Sam says, kissing Dean again, “Let’s do it.”

They walked down the stairs together, holding hands tighter than ever. His mom starts crying again, even though she can’t see Sam.

“Is he here?” She asks, standing in front of them.

“Yes, mom. He’s… He’s right next to me,” Dean squeezes Sam’s hand. His brother is completely frozen, looking at his mom for what seemed to be the first time.

“Mom,” He whispers.

“She can’t hear you Sammy,” Dean says, looking at Sam with sad eyes.

“We’re ready,” John says, letting no emotions show on his face.

The three of them sit around the table while Sam stands next to Dean. They’re forced to let go of each other's hands, much to Dean’s disappointment.

They all took hands and closed their eyes before their dad started reciting the invocation. Dean wonders briefly if this is dangerous if maybe it will bring out other spirits. Their house is full of ghosts, and while most of them are nice and discreet, some are evil.

“Sam?” John asks, his voice rough.

“Dad?” Sam replies, not sure of what to do.

This time, when they open their eyes, both Mary and John burst into tears. They can see Sam, their little boy, for the first time since he was six months old. They could never have imagined it, not even in their craziest dreams.

“Sam,” His mom says, reaching out to touch him.

Sam lets Mary touch his face closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of being touched by his mom.

“Hi mommy,” He says, “I… I’m happy to see you...”

“My baby,” She whispers before taking him in her arms, “I’m so sorry Sam. So, so sorry. This is all my fault!”

“No, it’s not Mom,” He says, hugging her back, “It’s not.”

She holds him a few more minutes, thinking back to the last time she hugged him. She thought about that night, when she put Sam to bed without knowing that it was the last time she would ever see him- Until today, at least.

“Son,” John says.

“Dad,” Sam doesn’t wait for John to react, he simply takes him into his arms and hugs him, “Dad,” He repeats again.

“I missed you Sam. I missed you so much,” John says, kissing Sam’s forehead.

Mary grabs Sam’s hand, and Dean takes the other.

“Did… Do you know, about us?” Sam asks, swallowing hard.

“Yes,” John says.

“Are you ok with it?”

“No,” Mary said, “But we can’t really fight it, right?”

“No, you can’t,” Sam admits, “I love Dean. I…I’m in love with him. Brother or not.”

“I understand,” John says.

“You do?” Dean can’t hide his surprise.

“I know a lot of things, Dean. About your brother and you. I understand.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asks.

“I mean that I did my research and that I know things.”

“You didn’t tell me!” Mary sounds hurt.

“I didn’t know he was still here. You didn’t tell me about the deal.”

“What deal?” Dean asks.

“I… I made a deal, with a demon,” Mary sighs, looking at her and Sam’s intertwined hands. “My family, they were hunters too, and… Something happened. I made a deal to save John, but I didn’t… I didn’t know it was about you, Sam. I swear, I wouldn’t have done it!”

“But… Why? What the point of having me dead?”

“You weren’t supposed to die,” John says, “Mary was supposed to die. You Sam, you... you were supposed to have demon blood in you. Be the next King of Hell”

“But I didn’t?”

“No. There was… Someone was here, at the same as the demon was here. He tried to save you, but he failed. He told me you were gone, though.”

Sam doesn’t answer, and Dean squeezes his hand, hoping for some reaction. It’s too much to deal with at once, and he can’t imagine how Sam feels right now.

“I want to live there, with Sam,” Dean says, “I mean, I’m not asking you to leave, but I’m telling you that Sam and I – We’ll live here, as a… As a couple.”

“That’s some balls you got there boy,” John sounds surprisingly proud, much to Dean surprise.

“I just… We don’t want to meet in the garden forever.”

“Mary, if you want to move with me, you can.”

“I… I want you two to be happy,” Mary whispers, looking at her sons, “Will I be able to see you?”

“I don’t know how it works, mom.”.

“We’ll ask Missouri, alright Mary?” John puts his arm around her, “But it’s enough for today”

“I’m sorry Sam.” She says again as they hug.

“It’s alright mom.”

They go back in Dean’s room, and they’re both finally able to let it go, all the pressure, and all the pain.

“I should have talked sooner,” Dean says quietly.

“No, Dean. You did well. I swear you did well.” Sam whispers, kissing Dean.

The first kiss leads to another, then another until they’re both panting and full of desire.

“Are you sure?” Dean asks, with Sam’s legs around his waist.

The clothes are off.

“Yes,” Sam whispers.

They’re finally one.


	15. Epilogue

Everybody in town knows Dean Winchester’s story. 

He graduated from high school but took classes online instead of going to college. 

He was offered a job as a teacher but choose to work at the garage on the corner of his street, the closest job to his house. 

He has a boyfriend – some people saw him, once or twice, but no one ever saw him leaving the house. 

He stopped working at 30, choosing to write books instead. At the end of his books, there were his initials, right next to “S.W.” 

Everybody in town knows about Dean Winchester and how crazy he was. 

He barely left his house, but it was like it was his heaven. He was smiling, always smiling, no matter what. There was a story about how, when they looked through the windows, some people saw him on his floor, as if he was able to transport himself to another place while staying in his house. 

They said he was always laughing and telling jokes, even though he was alone. 

His parents came too, sometimes, almost as crazy as him. 

Everybody in town knows about Dean Winchester and how he was found dead next to the tree in his garden at 40, a big, wide, smile on his face. They said they never saw a dead man looking so peaceful. 

Everybody in town knows about Dean Winchester, the happiest, craziest man that lived here, and how, if you listen closely, you can hear him laugh with his dead little brother. 


End file.
